Fat vs Thin

2009 - 2014
2009 – 2014

I know the word “fat” is a derogatory word to many. But “fat” best describes how I felt. I’m not making a judgement on others.

I have been overweight most of my life with periods of time where I had lost the weight back in my teen years. Being an overweight girl has to be the one of the worst experiences particularly for teenage girls and especially for a teen-aged girl who adored boys at an early age like I did.

At those times when I got to my goal weight, it was always because I counted calories and exercised. I remember taking up running when I was about 16 years old. I loved it. I thought I was special. Growing up in a rural area, most people did not exercise other than their physical work such as yard work, farming, basketball, baseball etc.

I was a tom-boy all my life. I still am. I played baseball, basketball and football with my brothers and male cousins.

I always dreamed of doing outdoor things such as skiing, traveling, hunting, hiking, running, climbing trees and mountains. ย But I was overweight and feared being made fun of so I did not dare try most of those things. Also, as an overweight girl, I just wasn’t physically able.

ย I was a thin girl in a fat girl’s body.

I’ve always been active even as an overweight woman but it wasn’t easy. I’m a busy person. I don’t like downtime. I want to see and experience everything that I can even if I was worn out. My mother told Kevin when she first met him that he would have a hard time keeping up with me because I was go, go, go! That has stuck with Kevin and he knows it to be true.

I have never let my weight stop me from hiking, traveling or exploring. I am GO! GO! GO! But it has never been easy. Being fat, my clothes were never pretty, I was uncomfortable, sweaty and keenly aware that I was unattractive.

One thing stands out in my mind is when Kevin and I went to the Grand Canyon. With the high elevations, I could hardly walk without having to rest. What a disappointment to be at one of the most beautiful places in the world and not be able to explore it the way I wanted to.

The same with the “Red Rock Canyons” in Sedona, AZ. A beautiful piece of “out of this world” beauty. I did climb “Bell Rock” with Kevin but I was so sad that I couldn’t enjoy it from being so out of breath.

Bell Rock - Sedona Arizona
Bell Rock – Sedona Arizona

Flash forward to now. I’m at my goal weight. I am still go, go, go! I feel great. I have almost never-ending energy. I look good in my pretty and stylish clothes.ย I have moments where I look so small that I don’t recognize myself. When I sit in airplane seats or cross my legs, I feel small and fit. I don’t mind standing in the line at a grocery store with only Cadbury eggs in my hand to pay. I used to sneak and do that or have Kevin do it. I knew people would look at me and think “yeah, a fat girl buying candy, figures” ๐Ÿ™‚

But most of the time, that is not what I see when I look in the mirror. The mirror can be your cruel friend.

ย I am a fat girl in a thin girl’s body.

I don’t see what others see most of the time. Sometimes I still automatically look for where the bigger women clothes are in Macy’s. ย I often refer to myself as fat to my co-workers without even thinking. They usually correct me and remind me that I am not fat. I still wonder if people look at me and automatically know I used to be fat. When I’m running, I used to be paranoid that people will be laughing at that big girl running….that still enters my mind many times.

On the other hand, I am happy that I lost weight when I did. I want to experience everything that a normal sized person experiences. ย I love being smaller.

For any women (or man) who says they are happy even when they are obese, I don’t believe it.

I’m not saying body size is everything. What I am saying that being smaller and healthier allows you to enjoy life better, enjoy your children better, explore better, enjoy sex better, enjoy being around people better…..

I have this on another of my blog pages but bears repeating ๐Ÿ™‚ I could probably add to this list at least once a day….

Fat v. Thin

~ Can cross my legs (my all time favorite)
~ Fit in Airplane seats more comfortably (what a difference!)
~ Fit in any booth in any restaurant
~ Can shop anywhere not just fat woman sections
~ Can stand in line and buy candy without worrying what people think of me
~ I can (almost) keep up with my 6 year old grandson
~ I am more outgoing
~ People look me in the eye (fat women know what I mean about this)
~ I fit comfortably in my small car
~ I love having my picture made (I’m a ham!)
~ My self confidence is through the roof
~ I look small in my big bed (says my husband)
~ I can sit on the floor crossed leg like a kid
~ I LOVE jeans!
~ I can tie my shoes
~ I can exercise (especially run)
~ My resting heart rate is 58
~ My feet are smaller and not puffy (still ugly, though)
~ I feel attractive and notice men looking at me
~ My husband can wrap his arms around me
~ I really enjoy the taste of food, not the amount
~ Not dreading getting dressed in the morning and hiding my muffin top
~ Wearing all the pretty shirtsย and fitting women’s shirts
~ Sex is better (still not frequent!!)ย ๐Ÿ™‚

My biggest regret is waiting so long to get leaner and healthier. I pray for many years to enjoy my new self.

ย ~Get Fit~


15 thoughts on “Fat vs Thin

  1. Charlotte, you look AMAZING! Self image is a hard one to break. Old habits are hard to break, too. The only thing you have to do now is reprogram your mind to believe yourself thin, because you are thin! The photo looks great and thank you for not wearing a St. Louis Blues jersey in it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. AWESOME post! I can relate in sooo many ways! I still don’t see a thin girl when I look in the mirror, and am so self conscious about it, which drives my hubby nuts. One of these days I’ll get to where I should be (about 30 lbs to go), but it’s so very hard. I know I’ve told you this before, but you truly are an inspiration to me!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

      1. Thank you Charlotte! I sure hope so! This not being able to exercise is driving me nuts! I’ve gained weight and inches and it does not make me very happy. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I will be raring to go July 1st (if the doc says ok) to start slowing rebuilding my stamina! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. I love this! Your list reminds me of why I’m doing this, thank you. I have 30 pounds to go. I wasn’t overweight until I got older, but I agree with your #1. When I got to not being able to cross my legs, it was like all of a sudden I felt like some strange other woman (and a fat one at that). I guess I just love crossing my legs. All of your items are on my list too, except maybe I will never love having my picture taken.

    1. You know, everyday I find another reason I like being thinner! When I was first able to cross my legs, I knew I was headed in the right direction. You know it’s funny but I remember the exact day. I was in a meeting at my work. I was so happy! Keep up the good work. I always tell people that it’s simple but not easy! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Oh my, I love reading this and knowing that you are happy and loving life!!! You deserve every single bit of happiness the world has to offer because you’re such a kind and generous person! You look amaaaazing x 1000!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s