Recovering Binge Eater

I left work and went to my place for a few minutes of rest today at “Rothwell Park

It went from a high in the 90s yesterday to 68-70 today! 🙂 I got a bit cold at the park and pulled my blanket over me while I took my 15 minute power nap. I didn’t want to come back to work.

I’m finding myself eating bad snacks for the last few days. Today was no different. I always feel like such a loser when I do that. Not necessarily because I can’t afford the calories because I run so much that I burn the calories, but I hate feeling like I have no control and more afraid of slipping back into the “fat Charlotte” person.

Many days I think I have control and that I will never be overweight again. But who am I fooling….that could easily happen.  What if I can’t control binge type snacking? What if I get hurt and can’t run or exercise? I know I’m over-reacting at this point but it could happen.  Not only that, I spent $$$$ to have this body overhauled after the weight loss and that would be a waste! HA!

I was most definitely a binge eater when I was obese. I could many times eat an entire pie at one setting. I’d crave potato chips and eat an entire big bag. M&Ms were one of my favorites and not the small bags. For the most part now, I am nothing like that.

beating-taz

I was also a secret eater. Do you know that people who I worked with for years have probably never seen me eat or rarely…until I got thinner. I never wanted them to see me overeat. They would even make comments that “you never eat anything, you must have a thyroid problem”……wrong! I just would never eat around people that were not my family. It’s funny but now I don’t mind at all eating in front of people. I no longer have a fear that they will think “look at that girl eat, no wonder she’s so big”

One of my favorite things about being thinner now is that I can go buy a candy bar in the store line with others and not worry about what they think. Weird, huh?

I have counted my calories every single day since Sept 29, 2009 and cannot allow myself to go on crazy binges…but I have small binges occasionally! I still cannot justify going to a fast food restaurant. It’s epic failure for me if I do. Don’t think I’m not tempted when I drive past a Burger King or Hardees. I never was a McDonald’s binger! lol But…I can still eat an entire box of Wheat Thins without taking my eyes off the TV.

I am much more in control of my eating that you may be thinking at this point. I’m just ranting a bit because I ate a small bag of sesame sticks this morning and not an ounce of nutritional value in them. Yesterday, it was buffalo wing flavored Snyder’s pretzels!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAsnyders-buffalo-pretzels

Whew….I’m better now. Running always puts in all back in perspective for me and I’m looking forward to my run late this afternoon. It should feel better with the lower temps. I still wish I could get up early enough to do my run in the mornings. I already get up at 4:45 am in order to commute to work so I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that I would have that type of discipline to get up at 3:45 am. No..won’t happen but maybe on rare occasions.

I do run early on weekends. I’m a much more energetic runner in the mornings. In late afternoons, many times I feel sluggish at least starting out on the run. I get bored running near my  home and the same routes. When I’m in St. Louis, I get much more pleasure out of the routes and places that I run.

A doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon for a checkup and laying around with my doggies for the weekend.

I have a 10 miler this coming Saturday morning and the temps are supposed to be cooler so there’s that! I will likely run that on the MKT trail. It’s fairly flat and no car traffic to worry about….just bicylcles, strollers, runners, doggies and dog poop. I can rant for hours about people who don’t pick up after their pups.

Saturday is Kevin’s 49th birthday….I’m taking him with me on the 10 mile run for his present! 🙂  That should burn off enough calories for us to go out somewhere for a nice romantic dinner and drinks. We usually pick sushi. It’s both of our guilty pleasures. I overeat at a sushi place just like I can a buffet! We are staying in Columbia this weekend.

Next Saturday 6/14/2014, we are running in the “Komen Race for the Cure“. The race takes place in downtown St. Louis. We will be running with the St. Louis Blues team. Sometimes a really hot hockey player or 2 will join us.

St. Louis Blues Race for the Cure Shirt 2014

This is a great cause and a fun race. We all meet at the Scottrade Center where the Blues play. We go inside and get free breakfast before the race. We have team pictures made and get to socialize with great people and many breast cancer survivors. I run for my mother (Dimple) who had breast cancer. She survived that ugly disease but died from liver failure years later.

You get to meet many survivors and loved ones of women who did not survive. It’s usually a very uplifting run and celebration. I particularly love seeing all the men run in pink gear! Kevin does also 🙂

So the next couple of weekends after this one will be spent in St. Louis. My sweet Daniel turns 7 on June 18 and his birthday party is the Saturday following his birthday. June 18, 2007 was the best day of my life. He’s given me many more best days since. 🙂

~Eat Well~

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7 thoughts on “Recovering Binge Eater

  1. Are you sure you aren’t secretly reading my mind? This post has so very much of me in it! I used to be the exact same way. I had some really REALLY bad habits but you and I have both learned and we both are so conscious of it that even when we do mess up and do something bad, we know that we will get past it and back on track. 🙂

    As for the dog poop, I have actually chased people down for not picking it up! Don’t even get me started! I’ve been called the red headed bit*# from hell and that was one of the nice names. But hey, be a responsible pet owner and I won’t have to chase you down! lol I feel sorry for people if you and I were together and went after them…..oh wait, no I don’t! 😀

    Sounds like you have some wonderful plans coming up! Can’t wait to hear about them! Have a great rest of the day! 😀

    1. We would definitely be a force to be reckoned with! lol I was running my 3 miles today with Peyton and Eli and Eli always has to take a poop. I stop my run, get out that purple poop bag and scoop it up. A couple of kids in a yard near was laughing at me! lol Enjoy your night.

  2. I echo Lisa’s comments about you reading some of our minds when it comes to the binge eating issues…like reading a page from my own diary.

    Good luck this Saturday! I look forward to a race summary and pictures!

  3. I hope you have a wonderful 10 miler this weekend! People tend to not pick up after their animals on the trail around here too and it drives me insane.

    My weight has been up and down my entire life (right now I’ve maintained the same weight since last fall which is literally a record for me) and I have some of the same fears about gaining, but you know what? You are a healthy person and you take good care of yourself. I don’t think you have a thing to worry about, especially since you seem so motivated to not go backwards in your journey!

  4. We all are recovering from something. The fact of the matter is that the struggle is real and will always be, but the focus on the goal at hand day to day is what makes that little voice only a whisper.

    Congratulations on your triumph! Run hard!

    Regards,
    Clifford Mitchem
    Advocare Distributor
    Nutrition + Fitness = Health
    http://www.AdvoCare.com/13087657

  5. Wow, counting calories every day since 2009! That is awesome! For me, counting calories makes all the difference and one reason I’m not losing now, cuz I just keep dropping it. Good days, bad days. It sounds like you really have a great attitude towards eating now. I’ve never been a binge eater like that, but you don’t sound like one either anymore 🙂 I kind of have this attitude towards junk food that it’s “poison”. Seems to really keep me from reaching for it. I’m more of a general overeater with weakness towards creamy, saucy, fatty foods (and some sweets too).

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