The Problem With Me…

I am very much a self reflecting person. I can’t say that I’ve always been but for the last 5 or 6 years, I am brutally honest with myself.

I may not always come clean with others about my flaws, but I discuss them in my head, on my runs and sometimes with Peyton and Eli. They are great listeners especially if you have a food item in your hand. They listen and drool.

I am the world’s biggest skeptic..I think. Well, I know!

skeptical-kid-590x270

I don’t believe most of what I read and none of what I hear.

If I haven’t experienced it…..it didn’t happen or it’s not possible for it to happen.

I do not believe in even the simplest of things that people believe in like aspirin, Tylenol, cold medicines, vitamin c, vitamins at all…etc.

I do believe that oxycodone knocks out pain because I used it during my surgery recovery and it worked! See, I had to experience it.

I watch/read National Geo, news (god forbid), documentaries and most seem inconceivable and outright not true to me.

I know some people believe in God, angels, ghosts, aliens…etc…..I have to admit, I have a hard time with that because it hasn’t been proven to me or I haven’t experienced it. My husband is the polar opposite of me. It doesn’t make him wrong or me wrong…or maybe it does.

I’m not spiritual….I see no real value in that. I want to be. I’m at peace most of the time with who I am and what I believe but still, I wish I meditated, prayed..etc and I could feel immediately that it made a difference.

Also, I am unique in my family of brothers and sisters for being that way. They are the opposite.

That is why it is hard for me to believe in things during my “marathon training” such as eating right, right balance of carbs, taking in enough water because I have not experienced that it works…right?

The only thing I feel sure in re: health/diet is if you burn more calories than you eat, you will lose weight. I’m sure of that because I experienced it and proved it. It took me a while during my weight loss to believe it. I’m glad I hung in there because in the past, if I didn’t see immediate changes, I quit because I didn’t believe in it.

I also know working out builds and tones muscles because it happened to me! Again, it took a while and I am still not sure why I hung in to see results but I did, fortunately for me. Again, I had to prove it to myself.

Most of the time, I am impatient and don’t take time to see results or proof…which is why I got so fat.

If I get down or slight depressed (which happens rarely) but I do not believe medicines help. I’m sure it does for people…so “they” say but I am a skeptic. I know running beats the blues/depression/sadness/anger….because it does for me.

That presents a big issue for me while training for a marathon. They say “they”, trust in the training, eat right, drink fluids, replenish the salts, minerals etc….but I can’t visualize how that will help and I am left believing other people’s accounts which is difficult for me.

When people say “they” say…..my ears tune out usually.

I never believed in a “runner’s euphoria/high”….until I experienced it.

I didn’t believe that I would be close to grandkids…until Daniel was born, then Sadie.

I didn’t believe I could love dogs, let alone let them live in my house…until Peyton then Eli.

I’m not sure what kind of person that makes me. I do worry about that.

I feel empathy, sympathy, sadness and happiness for other people but usually only if what happens to them, has happened to me or in some way or I can relate to it. When my co-worker’s dog died….I cried everytime I talked to her. I cry thinking about it. Β When a co-worker’s grandchild died from a horrible accident, I still can’t talk to her and not get tears in my eyes and that’s been 8 years ago…because it’s something I relate to.

So, I took a long and cathartic post to say that I am having trouble staying focused on my marathon training even with crucial elements such as eating properly, hydrating correctly, training properly because it has not been proven to me that it will make a difference in the end.

I know my willpower, though….and I think I will finish that marathon…even if I crawl over that finish line.

But still…..I’m a professional skeptic. πŸ™‚

~Prove It~

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7 thoughts on “The Problem With Me…

  1. That’s what makes you *you*. It’s what makes the world go round. It’s what attracted your husband to you, and made your life the great place that it is. And you will focus on your marathon, because that’s who you are. πŸ™‚

  2. Well, I think you’re perfect. You are a great person with so much passion and love and hope for the future!!! You’re amazing!!! You are going to run a great marathon!!! I know it!!! XOXO!!

  3. I can relate. When I was young I was a skeptic also. Everything I believed had to be experienced and proven to me. But I’m a totally different person now I guess. Interesting thinking about that πŸ™‚ Who you are and how you think has been working really well for you. If you can’t get your head around other people’s thoughts and ideas about marathon training, then don’t! Just do what you always do and you’ll do great. You will cross the line and you will have a great run time and you will probably learn all kinds of things along the way (that you can trust) to use for your next marathon! And I’m different than my family too. They are all still skeptics πŸ™‚

  4. Oh boy are we cut from the same cloth! I have been told that I am pessimistic, but I just tell people that I am a skeptic, sometimes a cynic, but certainly not a pessimist! πŸ™‚ I can completely relate to this post!

  5. Regardless of it all, you’re awesome and you’re loved for who you are. If everyone had the same thoughts/beliefs, this world would be so boring! I’m glad that you’re you and not who others think you should be! XX

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