Can We Still Be Friends?

I am just going to say what I’ve been thinking for the last few weeks….I think training for a marathon is harming my relationship with my husband.

He’s very supportive of anything that I do. He doesn’t complain when I run. I don’t even think he’s aware that it’s causing problems…well, until this weekend.

I didn’t run Saturday or Sunday for rest days and my nerves were on edge, my temper flared several times, I was impatient, hungry, mean, unforgiving, depressed, whiny, complainy and a bitch.

I never dreamed that it would take so much of my time and concentration. I’m a manager of situations and I thought I was handling it well. I do my normal weekly runs when he is still at work. I still do the house things I would normally do. I do my long runs on Saturday morning and most are finished before he’s ready to start the day.

I’m not very amorous or romantic with him after runs. Training has become my lover.


I’m not that tired when I finish running…well, nothing that a shower and food doesn’t fix.

So why is it damaging our relationship? I think it’s purely me. I am so focused on training, reading about training, reading blogs about training or nutrition that I just block him out.

It’s really gotten worse since he has a foot injury keeping him from running. He is frustrated and I can tell this. I have become more selfish and have not even sympathized with his problem unless it interferes with my training.

Many times anymore, he talks to me and I don’t hear him. He notices it but doesn’t say much and eventually he stops talking to me. Many nights now, we don’t converse very much.

Even at work, I am more focused on my training than normal. People speak to me but I only hear some of what they are saying. (Sometimes that’s elective! HA!) I’m not doing that out of tiredness…maybe obsession? I’m not sure. It’s weird.

I’ll leave here today with a new motivation to be more inclusive with Kevin, more talkative, more conversational…..but will I carry it out when I get home? Or will I forget all about it and get preoccupied again with my new lover?

I have to fix this…starting today.

My husband is my cheerleader, my playmate, my friend and my lover. He is also my psychiatrist. He is my moral compass. So today, I am going to have a talk with my lover and it will go something like this:

“Dear Running,

I care so deeply for you. You make me feel incredible.  I feel like a young woman when I am with you. You  continue to make me feel so healthy, strong and beautiful. I want you around for a long time. Please don’t be upset, you are still so very important to me.  But my biggest supporter needs me too and I need him. Can we still be friends?”

~Sincerely, Charlotte

 ♥Day 37 of “Marathon Training

4 thoughts on “Can We Still Be Friends?

  1. I love this post, Charlotte. It’s not just running. It can be anything that anyone is passionate about. When that passion hits, we become so absorbed in it, much to the detriment of our loved ones. You are doing something wonderful today to reign that in. I think that we call all take away something from this post.

  2. You are right, Rob. I think we can all get lost in doing our thing and leave out people our loved ones sometimes. I’m making an effort to change my behavior. 🙂 Thanks

  3. Prioritizing can be hard. Mine tend to shift often as new passions come in and out of my life. Training for a marathon is a huge thing, but you’re right, the most important thing is our loved ones. All relationships require a certain amount of tending and time. I hope you are able to find that happy balance with training and your husband.

  4. I have been in your shoes. In 2010 I weighed 210 pounds and needed to do something about it, so that’s when I took up exercise and diet. It became my only thing. I know for a fact that my fiancé suffered lack of attention from me for awhile. I know I was being selfish quite often. Then again, I HAD to be so that I could achieve a healthier life. I guess I can’t give you any good advice, because I still struggle with balancing running and a healthy relationship. I try as often as possible to run before he wakes up in the morning, and I put the iPad away when we get home from work at night, but sometimes I still feel like I’m being greedy. Let me know what you figure out, because I totally get where you’re coming from.

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