Do They Give Medals to Pussies?

Today I experienced a feeling that I rarely experience. I think I was having anxiety..I think. At work I was emotional, talky (manic), sad one minute, hyper another. I really almost came home but then I wondered what I would do at home! My brother’s health, my son’s health, marathon training….it almost all crashed in today.

My family, friends and people who know me think I am the strong one (“clutch” as we refer to in our house)….and I do appear to be that but sometimes when no one is around, I fall apart. Peyton and Eli usually know it. Sorry you guys are having to take the brunt of it! 🙂 I can only tell you guys so don’t spread the word around.

I am waiting on word that the doctors at Vanderbilt in Nashville will allow my brother to go on a liver transplant list. His time is very limited and I feel helpless. I’m mad at the world and sad. I kept waiting for my phone to ring but it never did. I finally called him this afternoon but I was even dreading doing that because when I talked to him last night, he was in pain. He has both cirrhosis and liver cancer. His doctor didn’t get a chance to give him a call today and he should find out something tomorrow. I am not very hopeful about this at all.

In addition, my son is having health problems and I fear for that. He is doing the right things now..dieting, stopping smoking, exercising but I am a bundle of nerves. He is having an ultrasound on Thursday. He can be treated but the meds are very expensive even with insurance. Just when things start going right for them financially with Allison getting a good nursing job, this happens to take up any extra money. Of course Kevin and I will help but still.

I am so sorry to be spitting out so much gloom and sadness today but it’s what’s going on in my life. One minute, my life is awesome, healthy and happy and in a blink of an eye, things can turn around.

Running is both a pain in my ass and my mental savior. I’ve done a lot of crying and running lately.

And, Daniel is coming to spend a week with Momeye (me) and Popeye (Kevin). He gave us those names when he started talking because he couldn’t say “grandpa” and it sounded like Popeye. Then naturally, I became Momeye. Daniel actually spells it MyMy and PyPy. 🙂

The Rock ‘n Roll Marathon St. Louis released a picture of the Marathon medal today and I love it!

Rock 'n Roll Marathon - St. Louis
Rock ‘n Roll Marathon – St. Louis

I want this training to be over! It must be true what people say that the marathon is the easy part, it’s the marathon training that makes you or breaks you.

I heard a quote on “Mike & Mike” (ESPN) of all things that has stuck with me all day….

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out” John Wooden

Now, back to one of my favorite movies….Kill Bill: Vol 2


 ~My Pussy Wagon Died On Me~


 

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14 thoughts on “Do They Give Medals to Pussies?

  1. You’re definitely not a pussy! You have a lot of stress in your life right now and are doing an amazing job holding it all together! It’s going to be such a great feeling finally crossing the finish line after months of training….it will make it all feel worth it. And that medal rocks!

  2. As John Lennon wrote, life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. You have a lot – A LOT – going on right now. Unfortunately, we have little choice other than to keep moving forward and hope and try for the best. Don’t apologize for sharing your thoughts – that’s what your blog is for, and that’s why we’re here – to support one another. ❤

  3. Charlotte, I’m thinking about you and your family and hoping for the best!! I know from personal experience that having a family member on the transplant list is not easy. You are very strong Charlotte, but it’s also okay to break down in times of sadness and have a good cry. Crying is healthy and it’s a way to cope with how you’re feeling. Emotions are tricky and hard to deal with sometimes and hey, I know exactly how you feel, that running can be a pain and a mental savior. I definitely go through times like that, too when I feel like I can’t live without it, but I also am annoyed with it because during my runs, I over think all of the sadness in my life. You’ll be okay. I know you will. XOXO!!! XOXO!!!

    1. Thank you, Kristin for your kind words and thoughtfulness. I hope things are going well for you. It seems you are getting some much needed rest and fun. 🙂

  4. You’ve got a lot of balls in the air, and sometimes that is just exhausting. It’s okay to be vulnerable and thank you for opening up here about what you’re experiencing. Hang in there, we’re here for you 🙂

  5. My dog sees me have meltdowns too. I had one today, but nowhere near as serious a thing as what you’re going through. Poor guy, he just looks at me and wonders what he can do to help. This is really tough times you’re going through. All the uncertainty, the hope, the fears. Cry all you need to. Vent all you need to. ((hugs))

  6. Sorry you are having a hard time right now. You sound perfectly normal for all the stress you have. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. You sound like a very strong woman to me. I think exercise is a great stress reliever and blogging gets your thoughts out there to the world.

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