The Non-Running Runner

I must need a psychiatrist or serious counseling.

I am filled with self-doubt and I’m angry at myself for not completing my 15 miles on Sunday. That heat should not have stopped me. I should have at least tried. I gave up before I knew if I could or not.

I am sure that many people ran long miles on that hot day. I was honestly afraid of getting sick and not being able to go forward. But, I made the decision to attempt to run what I could and stopped very short of what I needed.

As a result of that, I don’t feel like a runner anymore and I am almost positive that I will not complete that marathon.

That 15 miles was to be a breakthrough for me and I felt like that would make or break me…..well, it broke me and worse, I didn’t even try it.

Tomorrow is 4 miles and it’s still 100 degrees and not much better for Wednesday which is 8 miles. It is very difficult for me to complete that many miles on the treadmill. But that is what I will do.

I think I am guilty of judging myself by younger, fitter runners.

Is itย without merit?

Is is important that I stick to rigid training schedule or can I be flexible?

I ran my 1st and 2nd halves with little or at least inadequate training. And truthfully, my last half marathon in April was not only very little training but still recovering from serious plastic surgery and I finished it for my best and most proud HM. I know that a marathon is a whole different animal than a half…I’m not naive to think it’s similar.

So maybe I’m over reacting. I don’t want to win a marathon….I just want to finish and on my feet! ๐Ÿ™‚

Today was rest day but the lawn needed mowing and weedeating…even though it was 99 degrees! I’m tired but it looks good.

A secret: I would have let my husband do it today…this is always a job that I enjoy doing, but not on this hot day.

Temps are going to be extreme for most of the week. I’ll be spending a great amount of time on that treadmill down in the cool basement exercise room.

I ate decent today and too tired to snack….so there’s that!

~Dreaming of Winter~


6 thoughts on “The Non-Running Runner

    1. I shouldn’t complain much. I could have picked a different marathon and trained during winter but I would have complained about that also! lol I should move from Missouri to Cali if I want good weather all the time to run in. ๐Ÿ™‚

  1. Well, if you’re not a real runner, what does that make me?? Of course you’re a real runner, but I get what you mean about not feeling like one. You’re so hard on yourself. I follow a lot of running blogs and lots of people are in half/full marathon training right now. I see them adjusting their training plans all the time for many different reasons. Sometimes they just don’t feel like doing it. You can always do it another day. You’re right, those training miles are what will get you across the finish line. But you’re also right, it’s dangerous to run in that kind of heat! That’s a conflict and you dealt with how you thought best at the time.

    1. Thanks for your encouragement. You and I are real runners. ๐Ÿ™‚ I am hyper complainy anymore haha It is a bit cooler this weekend and hopefully if I can finish 16 miles on Saturday, mentally I will be in a good place.

  2. Shake it off. Not running in the heat was exactly the move a real runner would make. There is no sense in you getting heat exhaustion or heat stroke and then being laid up for a week recovering. Your body told you what to do and your mind agreed. I would ditch the treadmill and ride a bike to get some aerobic work and even go for a long walk. It all counts.

    1. I may just take your advise on the bike! I love biking even in hotter weather. Thank you for the comment. I think I am stressing way too much but this is my first marathon training and I’m trying to stay on schedule….but I need to relax a bit and shake that off! Thanks for the comment. ๐Ÿ™‚

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