I must need a psychiatrist or serious counseling.
I am filled with self-doubt and I’m angry at myself for not completing my 15 miles on Sunday. That heat should not have stopped me. I should have at least tried. I gave up before I knew if I could or not.
I am sure that many people ran long miles on that hot day. I was honestly afraid of getting sick and not being able to go forward. But, I made the decision to attempt to run what I could and stopped very short of what I needed.
As a result of that, I don’t feel like a runner anymore and I am almost positive that I will not complete that marathon.
That 15 miles was to be a breakthrough for me and I felt like that would make or break me…..well, it broke me and worse, I didn’t even try it.
Tomorrow is 4 miles and it’s still 100 degrees and not much better for Wednesday which is 8 miles. It is very difficult for me to complete that many miles on the treadmill. But that is what I will do.
I think I am guilty of judging myself by younger, fitter runners.
Is it without merit?
Is is important that I stick to rigid training schedule or can I be flexible?
I ran my 1st and 2nd halves with little or at least inadequate training. And truthfully, my last half marathon in April was not only very little training but still recovering from serious plastic surgery and I finished it for my best and most proud HM. I know that a marathon is a whole different animal than a half…I’m not naive to think it’s similar.
So maybe I’m over reacting. I don’t want to win a marathon….I just want to finish and on my feet! 🙂
Today was rest day but the lawn needed mowing and weedeating…even though it was 99 degrees! I’m tired but it looks good.
A secret: I would have let my husband do it today…this is always a job that I enjoy doing, but not on this hot day.
Temps are going to be extreme for most of the week. I’ll be spending a great amount of time on that treadmill down in the cool basement exercise room.
I ate decent today and too tired to snack….so there’s that!
~Dreaming of Winter~