Battered Runner Syndrone

Sometimes I feel like I am wasting precious time with running more specifically training for the marathon.

I’m 54 years old….I’m on the “decline” of life….(runner’s reference).

I love autumn weather…it’s my time of the year. I love everything about it: cool temps, football, camping, smell of wood burning, leaves turning, hoodies…..

I especially love Saturdays in autumn. Saturday was an incredibly beautiful day. I spent almost 3 1/2 hours running and rest of the day trying to recover from it.

Sunday I slept in a bit as much as I ever do with 2 dogs knocking at the bedroom door. I wasn’t as sore as I thought I’d be. Kevin and I walked the dogs, got groceries, went to a neighbors open house and had a couple of beer and enjoyed socializing a bit. I watched some football and read some running blogs.

And before I knew it, the weekend was over and now I’m at work.

Life is so short.

I can’t quit thinking about my brother whose life is being cut short…..very short. I will be getting a call in a few days to arrange our visit with him and his doctor at Vanderbilt in Nashville. Our hopes and prayers are that he will be placed on a transplant list. But that is a long shot and his only chance at living.

I missed Daniel and Sadie this weekend. I missed Allison’s birthday on Saturday. I miss my son.

I’m melancholy today and can’t shake it at this moment….but I will.

I wish the training and the marathon was over so I can get back to very important things…and back to things I love.

I don’t like running long distances and long hours. There….I said it.

Google Search Results
Google Search Results

Running is like an abusive lover to me. And in light of all the things going on re: NFL players abusing women..children….I’m not making light of that.

It hurts my body, it takes away my joy…..and yet I can’t leave it. Again, I am by no means making light of people who are abused in a real physical sense. I know women who this has happened to. Β I get angry that someone would hit someone they are supposed to love, cherish and protect.

I know I asked for this. This was my decision. I know when (if) I finish my 26.2 on Oct 19, I’ll feel a sense of pride and accomplishment that I have never known before. I’m not going through this for vanity or pride….I’ve given that a lot of thought.

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I’m doing this because I had to. I can’t explain or rationalize it.

“If you want to run a mile, then run a mile. If you want to experience another life, run a marathon.” –Β Emil Zatopek

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15 thoughts on “Battered Runner Syndrone

  1. Womp womp…I think a lot of runners have a love/hate relationship with running. You put your body thru the ringer…you run the marathon…around mile 17 you WILL tell yourself, ‘I am never doing this sh*t again…why am I doing this???’…Then once you cross that finish line, the feeling of an amazing runner’s high and accomplishment will strike and you will say this…’WHEN AM I SIGNING UP FOR MY NEXT MARATHON’? πŸ™‚

    1. That may be true. I do read that it can go one of two ways…either you’ll be finished or you’ll be addicted to marathons! πŸ™‚ I do love the way I felt even after 18. πŸ™‚

  2. Prayers sent for your brother, Charlotte. Keep the faith! Destiny. Kismet. That’s why you’re running. I look back to see where you’ve started. Maybe I’m way off here, but it’s seems to me that completing this marathon is an analog to your weight loss journey. Not quitting. Keeping it going, Finishing. Succeeding.

    1. Thank you, Rob. I do appreciate your support. I think maybe you are right. I haven’t thought about it like that. I never knew why it was important but maybe it’s the icing on my cake after the weight loss! πŸ™‚ Maybe it’s unfinished business? πŸ™‚

  3. I hear you. I ran my first marathon 15 months ago. There’s something about accomplishing it. It’s a check mark. There’s an interval drive that someone who doesn’t run can’t understand. I’m slow. So slow. But I am the little engine that could. I keep chugging. Training is yucky but that day….when you’re starting your journey….it’ll all be worth it. When you finish …. Your heart will be full!!!

    1. Thank you for that inspiration! At this point it still seems so far away to run 18 miles and need to find a way to run 8.2 more. In a couple of weeks, I’ll attempt 20 miles. Yikes! Congratulations on your marathon. I can’t wait until it’s over πŸ™‚

  4. The last couple of weeks leading up to my half-marathon, I was really tired of spending my Sundays running/recovering. I couldn’t wait for this whole training thing to be over so that I could have my life back. Hours after the half-marathon, I was already looking at race schedules and putting together another training program. What is it about this running stuff that keeps us coming back for more? It sucks most of the time, but then other times, you have that perfect run and I think that’s what keeps us going, don’t you think? I don’t think what you’re feeling right now is abnormal, though. My guess would be that most runners go through the same thing. Hang in there – it’s going to be so worth it when you cross that finish line! πŸ™‚

  5. Charlotte, I’m thinking about you and your family!! XOXO!!
    My thoughts are: You’re going on an incredible journey right now. With running, as in life, you’re dealing with many ups and downs. Sometimes it’s hard to think past a single run workout or maybe even a single mile, but trust me, you can do it. You’re stronger than you think!! Training for a marathon takes a lot out of you, but you’re doing it!! You’ve been doing it for a loooong time now! When you’re feeling particularly down, think back to your running journey!! I mean, look at how many miles you’ve put in already! You’re doing it!! Finish this thaaang!! XOXO!!

    1. You made my day and made me smile! Thanks, Kristin. I have come a long way. What will happen after the marathon? What will I whine and complain about? I read that the marathon is the easy part…it’s the training that makes or breaks you. I believe that. Thanks πŸ™‚

  6. Something about running certainly gets into your blood. I really like running and I’ve grown to enjoy the marathon distance, but it is a time suck. But for me it’s more about the journey than the destination. I saw a quote that said, “I dare you to train for a marathon and not have it change your life.” And it does more me, every time. It’s not about the time or chasing a BQ. It’s about chasing a better version of myself. Good luck as you finish training!

    1. That is an awesome quote and I have experienced that it has changed my life. I am so different than I was before all of this! Sometimes I’m not sure for the better? πŸ™‚ I do know that I love running. I forget that sometimes during the training. Thanks and good luck on your quest for BQ!

  7. Praying for the best outcome for your brother. If only there were more hours in the day to accomplish all we want. Through all the doubts, there’s not a chance you will regret training and finishing a marathon. This is the new Charlotte. Once you’ve accomplished this goal, you will get back to that balance if it’s important to you. I suspect your family wouldn’t want it any other way and are a hundred percent behind you on this goal. You have been an inspiration to them.

    1. Your comments made my day. Thank you for your prayers for my brother. I do feel like I am being a bit selfish but I’m always the one with regret. I live with it! πŸ™‚ You are right, they are behind me and very supportive. I can’t wait to return to my old life…if I ever can. Thank you for your thoughtful words. πŸ™‚

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