Dec 09, 2013….
I started this blog because I wanted to talk about and chronicle the major plastic (reconstructive) surgery that I was about to have that was scheduled for Dec 19, 2013. Just saying the words are still scary: circumferential body lift (extensive tummy tuck plus) and brachioplasty (arm lift).
It’s a gruesome procedure and I remember watching so many videos on it. I read everything I could. I knew that I had chosen one of the best plastic surgeons to do those procedures. But I was so scared of the unknown.
When I think back on how I was feeling last year, I was so scared and excited. I didn’t know how the surgery would go, how I would look, if it be a waste of money, would I recover well. But I mostly worried that I could die on the table or never be healthy again because of it. I really believed that I may not get back into running or that it might take a long time. I worried that Daniel would miss me. Sadie was so young that she would not.
I remember talking to Daniel before the surgery to explain. I even explained what I was having done in a simple way he could understand. He told me to think about him hugging me while I was in surgery. I had tears in my eyes because that was the sweetest thing I’ve ever had said to me by anyone. And also, without him knowing…I was making sure he knew how much I loved him and how had he changed my life in an awesome way. Just in case… Of course, I wasn’t expecting to die but you can’t not think about that. …It’s that “what if” that happens.
That entire month run up to the day was nerve wrecking.
At first I intended to use this blog to post before and after pictures but I later decided that I did not want to do that. I have some on my initial posts back in December. I do appreciate the ones who did post their pictures and experiences with the surgery because it really helped me to understand what I would go through.
I am reflecting on all of that to get to my real post…..
In Sept of 2009, I weighed 288 lbs and at some points I was even heavier.
I lost weight: 288-161 = 127 lbs lighter. I want to be between 154-157 lbs.
I counted calories and started exercising.
I don’t put down people who have weight loss surgery but I did not want to go that route. I considered it. But I feared that it would make my health worse. I knew people who had it and they never looked healthy to me. That’s my personal feeling.
I wanted to change my lifestyle on my terms and not be forced to change my lifestyle by surgery. I counted calories and exercised. This was the most disciplined that I had ever been in my life. After I lost several pounds, I started exercising and tried running again the first time since I was 16 years old.
I fell in love with running because it challenged my body like I had never experienced. I loved how I felt when I met those challenges. I loved pushing myself (another thing I had never done). I loved that euphoric feeling that I had afterwards. It also kicked my weight loss into gear.
I loved how I looked in the mirror…at first.
But with my age and that much weight loss, I had a lot of loose skin around my mid section. I could buy and wear small clothes but I looked awful in them….to me. My arms were a big embarrassment so the sleeveless style was out. So as women do….I became even more embarrassed of my body.
I had a couple free consultations with plastic surgeons and NEVER intended to go through with it. I knew the cost would be astounding and I knew insurance would not pay for it.
And even though I didn’t think I would do it, I only considered having my arms done (brachioplasty). That was all I wanted the consultation for.
But when Dr. Boswell analyzed my body and showed me what could be done, I couldn’t get that out of my mind. I couldn’t sleep because I wanted it so bad. But $20,000…..
Kevin was so good as he always is. I don’t know how I got so lucky to find him later in my life after having such a bad marriage my first go around. He knew how bad I wanted that surgery. He told me the decision was mine and he would support whatever I wanted to do. But he was also very sweet to tell me that he loved how I looked without the surgery and to do it only for me….if that was what I wanted.
I suffered much more than I imagined after the surgery. I even regretted it….for a few weeks. But after the drainage tubes came out and I put on my regular clothes…..I cried the first time I looked at myself in nice, skinny clothes.
I’ve always had a somewhat negative opinion of people who have plastic surgery. I was wrong to be that judgemental. How people look to themselves is very important.
I love having a flat stomach, no muffin top, no flabby arms……it really was like a dream come true for me.
And what was even better…..I started running again as soon as I was permitted. I ran a half marathon full through with no walk breaks 4 months after the surgery. And in a few weeks from that, I signed up for my first marathon.
My journey has been incredible and surreal to me.
I don’t know why I wanted to blog about it today. I think I am feeling sentimental because 1 year ago…….my emotions were so screwed about the upcoming surgery and the status of my health.
Today, I am a marathoner at a normal weight with a flat stomach and nice arms and an awesome husband who truly is the best thing that has happened to me! 🙂
~Self-Confidence is Sexy~