I Want to Be My Mom and That Makes Me Smile….Finally

Today would have been my Mama’s 72nd birthday. She passed over 12 years ago. She died at the young age of 59 years old.

I am home sick today after a stressful work week and being sick. Peyton is away at the Vet having minor surgery….so I am curled up in a fetal position today in tears with Eli at my side.

My mother was only 16 when I was born. She married my sweet Daddy at 15. That is not unusual in the south at that time. So that made she and I rivals in so many ways…our clothes, our makeup, our choices, our decisions but especially for my Daddy’s love and affection. I never realized that then, but I do now.

16 years old is but a child. So in essence, she and I grew up together as Mother, daughter, friends but also as rivals.

She was more than pretty….she was strikingly beautiful. She had very black hair and very blue eyes. She had freckles that made her look like a little girl always…even as she was dying. She was friendly..even flirtatous, outgoing and smart.

I was jealous that I did not look like her.

She was an imperfect mother to say the least. And she knew it. I spent my entire teenage life resenting her for that. I am deeply ashamed of that now. After my son was born, she became my best friend.

My daddy died at the age of 51 when my mother was only 41 years old. I made her a grandmother when she was only 34 years old!

When daddy died, she was devastated. They had a tumultuous marriage the entire 25 years they were married until he died. I recall so many arguments and separations. I blamed her every single time and hated her for doing that to him. I was a daddy’s girl.

But all the way to the end, they loved each other. He adored her, respected her and was very jealous of her.

Her name was Renia Dimple Parrish Barber Moore. Everyone called her Dimple. Barber was the name my daddy gave her. She married my step dad (Moore) a few years after my dad died.

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Daddy, Mama and Me
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Mama, Daddy and My Baby Sister

 

I spent so much time being angry at her for being crazy. My brothers and sisters have a term for it now “Dimpling”  🙂 We refer to it often when talking about our craziness.

We all recall a particular situation that happened when we were on the school bus. We passed her and daddy arguing outside near the roadside. Mama was trying to light herself on fire, supposedly. She would start a fire and sit near it….when it got hot, she’d move and set another….All our friends on the bus saw it and we were embarrassed. I laugh at it now.

All of her kids got that crazy part of her personality. I like to think I am the least crazy of my brothers and sisters! 🙂

I have always thought that all the good in me came from my daddy and the crazy came from her.

I still think that’s true but finally…..I am my Mama. I am proud to have her “crazy” part.

She adored animals. She collected every stray bird, cat, dog…..that came around. She loved her dogs more than us….I used to think.

I even resented for that. She took those dogs to vets more than she took us to the doctor when we were sick.

I remember the day she called me crying when “Teardrop” died with cancer. Teardrop was a teacup chihuahua that she loved more than life. I could not relate to her sadness. Mama, I apologize. You had a wonderful heart and I never saw it.

Today, Peyton is at the Vet having minor surgery and I am in tears! 🙂

She was pretty, flirty, friendly, smart, fun-loving, outgoing and a good friend to many people including me. She had a caring heart for animals and hated any mistreatment of them.

She didn’t know my husband Kevin very well when she met him…but one of her birds that didn’t like people very well, flew on Kevin’s shoulder and sat. She knew if that bird “Miracle” loved Kevin, she loved him.

I am in no way saying that I come as close to her beauty or loving heart. Maybe I just want to be.

Today is one of those days that I want to give her a call and hear her beautiful voice and cry on her soft, strong shoulders.

Happy birthday, Mama. I miss you everyday of my life. 

A Picture is Worth Everything

I finally took a day off of work  on Friday so I could have a long weekend and I was sick the entire weekend and even worse today. I haven’t really been sick in over a year so it figures.

But that didn’t stop me from having an awesome weekend.

I ate oysters and had a pint at the Broadway Oyster Bar.

Jewels of the Gulf
Jewels of the Gulf

I devoured Voodoo Shrimp at The Broadway Oyster Bar

Voodoo Shrimp at Broadway Oyster Bar
Voodoo Shrimp at Broadway Oyster Bar

I had a romantic dinner with my hubby and had a delicious Pumpkin Gnoocchi at Taste in St. Louis

Pumpkin Gnocchi from Taste of St. Louis
Pumpkin Gnocchi from Taste of St. Louis

I ran 5 awesome miles through the downtown streets in the St. Louis St. Patrick’s Day run with my favorite man along with 13,000 other runners!

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I dressed up and went to the Fabulous Fox Theatre to see the Phantom of the Opera. I’ve only seen it 6 or 7 times.

Fabulous Fox Theatre in St. Louis
Fabulous Fox Theatre in St. Louis

I spend another wonderful afternoon with Daniel and Sadie.

Playing Chess
Playing Chess

I enjoyed the warm weather in a city that I love.

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I played with my boys (Peyton and Eli)

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When we got back to Columbia Sunday afternoon from my long weekend in the Lou, I ran 3.2 more miles on the MKT in 75 degree weather! 🙂

Someone at work told me that they could never keep up with me even when I am sick. I told them “I agree” 🙂  🙂

But all that had to end because I had to go in Monday morning to make a living!

“Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint and another one!”

♣Happy St. Patrick’s Day!♣

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Dragging In

I have been busier than a cat covering crap….old southern saying.

Work has been crazy. Many people may not know what I mean but I’m a Kaizen Leader and Operations Manager leading MANY new projects in my plant with managers from other plants. I work in a medical device manufacturer and a fortune 500 company.

For the last month, my days start at 4:30am when I get up and 6:30pm when I get home. It’s usually time for dinner, a shower, loving on puppies for a while, a quick kiss for my husband and off to bed! 🙂

I have been slacking on my running which has made my stress level a bit higher. But I’m managing.

I even went an entire month without seeing my grandkids so you know I’m busy! I did finally get to see them last weekend and they spent the night and went to the park with us. We had a nice visit and that did my heart good as it always does.

Daniel wore a green “Link” cap the entire visit everywhere we went. I finally had to know why he was wearing it. He said he could carry things in it. He pulled it off and it had a harmonica, a rock and a Skylander in it! haha He’s clever, funny and creative…plus handsome.

Daniel
Daniel

Sadie is growning up so much and she loves clothes and especially frilly things. I took her shopping and she wanted a tutu!

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Sadie

The weather was beautiful in St. Louis so I decided to go for a 10 mile run downtown. That turned out to be a bad run but I finished it. After it was over…it felt good!

Kevin and I are back in St. Louis this coming weekend for the St. Patrick’s Day 5 mile run. Over 13,000 runners take over downtown St. Louis all dressed in green. It is one of my favorite runs.

Saturday night….Kevin and I are going to see “Phantom of the Opera” at the Fox Theatre in St. Louis. I’ve seen it so many times and one of my favorite things to do with my husband. We both love it.

I’m on vacation Friday so I get a long weekend and a much needed one. I won’t get to spend much time with Daniel and Sadie but hopefully a bit on Sunday before we come home.

I did manage to get a 4 mile run in today. It’s 8:45 pm and that tempurpedic bed is calling my name! Plus Peyton just came to get me. He always lets me know when it’s time for us to go to bed.

I’ve missed reading my favorite blogs and I plan on  making a point to start spending time checking in on everyone soon.

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Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~Welsh Proverb