Do I Wanna Be There in my City?

When the lights go down in the city
And the sun shines on the bay
Do I wanna be there in my city?

~ Journey – Lights


This past couple of weeks has probably been the most stressful of my life. And I am not holding up well. In fact, it’s a wonder that I haven’t had a heart attack (knock wood).

I flew out this past Thursday to San Francisco to interview with the Medical Device manufacturing position that I have blogged about. I was in a dilemma. I wanted to interview well but I didn’t want to get the job offer.

Yes, that’s weird I admit.

One of my biggest dreams has been to live in that area of the country. I’ve daydreamed of it many times.

I had come up sick a few days before the flight and it only got worse and I was as sick on the flight out as I have ever been. I feared that on the day of the interview that I would be a mess.

I spent all of Thursday driving around in the Bay area. I even drove up to Napa Valley. My interview was to be all day Friday…9 interviewers…yeah, I was looking forward to that for sure.

The town of Concord is in East Bay San Francisco. It’s a beautiful, ordinary Cali town. It was family oriented with low crime stats. It was a perfect American town. Palm trees, green lawns, orange and lemon trees in most yards. It is surrounded by mountains (Mount Diablo), vineyards and water that flows into the Bay.

It looks like a postcard.

I arrived at the company for the long day of interviewing.

They put me in a conference room called “Vineyards I” …. well of course it would be called that J

They had about 9 people lined up to interview me.

I believe I did well and impressed most of them.

I had lunch with my “would be boss”. I felt comfortable with him and I could tell he liked me. He was from Ireland but married a southern girl so maybe that was why.

They were very nice, professional, personable and thorough in their interviewing. I answered some of the same questions over and over trying to make the wording different as to not sound like a robot.

They were impressed with my acumen and several commented to such.

Of course I could be wrong but I feel that I will get an offer….

I hope I don’t….

I know it seems to make me sound flaky but I don’t want to have to make the decision to go there or not.

Remember….Daniel and Sadie still live in St. Louis.

Daniel practically begged me not to take the job. My heart was breaking as he was talking. He was saying he would never get to see me. I cried. How can I leave him?

He will leave me one day….but I’m not sure that I can be the one to break that trust…that bond.

How can I not watch he and Sadie grow up?

My heart would be sad for the rest of my life without them. It would make it worse if that was my decision.

I’m not very religious but I am finding myself asking for God’s direction.

I also know that makes me a hypocrite.

Kevin is supportive for whatever decision that I make. He loves Cali but he loves our lives here with our grandkids.

Meanwhile, I haven’t been running or training for 5 mile St. Patrick run in March or my half marathon that is set for April if I am still here.

I am eating poorly. I’m crying. I’m stressing. I’m obsessing.

If this offer is made to me and I turn it down….that may be my last chance to move to the area of my dreams.

So to me, it will be better if they do not offer it to me.

Thanks for reading J


8 thoughts on “Do I Wanna Be There in my City?

  1. Charlotte, life is too short to be doing what doesn’t make you happy! Move when Daniel is old enough to visit you when he can make those decisions on his own… you are still young… look forward to retirement in the place you love… work now and save for that place… where you family can visit you and spend wonderful times making memories!

  2. PS… just last year i walked away from the JOB OF A LIFETIME! It meant 80% international travel (i love travelling for work), it meant being based in London (my FAVE CITY of all time) but it meant being away from my then 14 year old son at a time of his life where he still needs a mom around. Its 8 months since i walked away from that life changing career move… an you know what? i have ZERO regrets! My son is fab, he is now 15, a young man… he doesn’t need me like he did a year ago, he has grown up almost over night… and i was there to support him… and help him grow and i am happy i didn’t listen to everyone around me… they all said DO IT you won’t get the chance again… but hey i wouldn’t have the chance to be there for Cameron again either and HE is in my heart! Jobs will come and go!
    PpS… this is just my story, just thought i’d share xxx

  3. Charlotte, I know that we’ve never met in person, but I feel like I know you well enough to say this: as much as you love California, I think you’d be miserable being so far away from your grandkids. That’s why you’re so sick about this whole thing! If this were the right move for you, you’d know it in your heart, you’d have no doubts, and you’d be happy and excited! But you’re not. If you’re meant to live in Cali, another opportunity will come WHEN THE TIME FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU. I wish I could hug you and tell you it will all be alright. You’re in my thoughts – please reach out if you need someone to talk to!

    1. Your comment here meant so much to me. I do feel we are friends. 🐶 you can’t know how right you are. My heart is telling me no. I’m just so afraid this opportunity will never come for me at my age. If I don’t get the job, I think the burden will be off my back. I hope that’s what I need to give me a kick in the pants. Thank you again, friend.

  4. Hi Charlotte. Glad to see you dropped in on my blog. Haven’t heard from you in a long time. Welcome back. As to the decision you have looming, I have had many over a lifetime. None were easy and to my chagrin, some were made for me. But there was always one constant. What was supposed to happen did. I was simply the vehicle that activated it. Decisions are equal parts of head and heart. But when stirred together, the results are always exciting and it never hurts to taste something new. If you don’t think of a major change as the end of something, but instead an extension of what you already have, for me, it made it easier. We moved 10 times with my company. All were painful when they were happening and are now experiences I wouldn’t trade for anything. Good luck. Bob Q

    1. Thank you for helping shed light on my dilemma. It is a decision between my heart and head. My heart tells me to not leave my grandkids, in particular my grandson. Maybe I won’t have to make that decision just yet. My real dream is that my family would move there too? 😀 thank you for your comment.

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