When the lights go down in the city
And the sun shines on the bay
Do I wanna be there in my city?
~ Journey – Lights
This past couple of weeks has probably been the most stressful of my life. And I am not holding up well. In fact, it’s a wonder that I haven’t had a heart attack (knock wood).
I flew out this past Thursday to San Francisco to interview with the Medical Device manufacturing position that I have blogged about. I was in a dilemma. I wanted to interview well but I didn’t want to get the job offer.
Yes, that’s weird I admit.
One of my biggest dreams has been to live in that area of the country. I’ve daydreamed of it many times.
I had come up sick a few days before the flight and it only got worse and I was as sick on the flight out as I have ever been. I feared that on the day of the interview that I would be a mess.
I spent all of Thursday driving around in the Bay area. I even drove up to Napa Valley. My interview was to be all day Friday…9 interviewers…yeah, I was looking forward to that for sure.
The town of Concord is in East Bay San Francisco. It’s a beautiful, ordinary Cali town. It was family oriented with low crime stats. It was a perfect American town. Palm trees, green lawns, orange and lemon trees in most yards. It is surrounded by mountains (Mount Diablo), vineyards and water that flows into the Bay.
It looks like a postcard.
I arrived at the company for the long day of interviewing.
They put me in a conference room called “Vineyards I” …. well of course it would be called that J
They had about 9 people lined up to interview me.
I believe I did well and impressed most of them.
I had lunch with my “would be boss”. I felt comfortable with him and I could tell he liked me. He was from Ireland but married a southern girl so maybe that was why.
They were very nice, professional, personable and thorough in their interviewing. I answered some of the same questions over and over trying to make the wording different as to not sound like a robot.
They were impressed with my acumen and several commented to such.
Of course I could be wrong but I feel that I will get an offer….
I hope I don’t….
I know it seems to make me sound flaky but I don’t want to have to make the decision to go there or not.
Remember….Daniel and Sadie still live in St. Louis.
Daniel practically begged me not to take the job. My heart was breaking as he was talking. He was saying he would never get to see me. I cried. How can I leave him?
He will leave me one day….but I’m not sure that I can be the one to break that trust…that bond.
How can I not watch he and Sadie grow up?
My heart would be sad for the rest of my life without them. It would make it worse if that was my decision.
I’m not very religious but I am finding myself asking for God’s direction.
I also know that makes me a hypocrite.
Kevin is supportive for whatever decision that I make. He loves Cali but he loves our lives here with our grandkids.
Meanwhile, I haven’t been running or training for 5 mile St. Patrick run in March or my half marathon that is set for April if I am still here.
I am eating poorly. I’m crying. I’m stressing. I’m obsessing.
If this offer is made to me and I turn it down….that may be my last chance to move to the area of my dreams.
So to me, it will be better if they do not offer it to me.
Thanks for reading J