I Want to Cheat on My Doctor with Her Partners

I have been with my personal physician since about 2011 or so.

I am the kind of person who wants a warm and fuzzy feel from my doctor, dentist, physical therapist and for the most part that is what keeps me with them.

My dentist for 15 years retired out of the blue and one day I go in and there is Dr. L. I thought, I’ll do this appointment but then I’ll search for another. I was crushed! But I liked her immediately and maybe one reason is because she is a runner. So I stayed with her and love her.

But my general physician is someone that I don’t like. The was the only female doctor in this office so I thought I’d be more comfortable. That is such a wrong reason to make a decision. (lesson learned).

First, I want to say that I don’t go to the doctor often and usually just for a checkup, flu shot, annual blood tests etc. I’m dedicated to her and even switched my Gynecologist doctor to her just for simplicity sake.

I don’t go to doctors. Which didn’t pay off so good for me this time but I digress. I don’t doctor shop, drug beg or anything. I just want to feel that my doctor cares about me even if she fakes it while I’m there.

Dr. E doesn’t do any of that. I’ll try to list things that are on my radar and grown to a pissed off stage.

Now, she was cold and not a good listener from the start but hell all I needed was checkups so I lived with it because I hate changing doctors.

She doesn’t make eye contact with me.

She barely touches me

She quickly asks if I need anything (drugs etc)

She doesn’t stand close to me when she talks.

She writes while I talk and facts usually wrong (I’ll explain later)

She has never been able to see me on the rare occasion that I have an emergency like the Thursday and Friday that I was so sick and could barely drive home.

She wouldn’t write me an order for colonoscopy even though the ER doc said I needed on in Nov 2015. This proved critical to my care. I could have begged and pushed but relied on her that I didn’t need one because no one in my family had it. Still, it’s my responsibility to pursue. Let me point out that my dad died at 51 yrs and my mom at 59 yrs. Maybe they did have it? Maybe they would have gotten it if they had lived out of their middle age!

My gastroenterologist (Dr. W) said that I needed a doctor referral for my insurance to pay for it because it had not been 10 years since my last one and no history in my family of colon cancer.

On that Thursday emergency where I could barely drive home. I called on my way home in excruciating pain. I was begging practically for an appointment because I was in such pain, chills, throwing up and high fever on that Friday, they had no room to see me. Any doctor in the office would have worked but my own doctor…why do you have a personal doctor?

Her nurse told me to go to the ER. Fuck, I had been at the ER back in November and they only sent me to a doctor and said you have diverticulitis and get a colonoscopy. You see my frustration? I ask her nurse when someone could see me? She said that a physician’s assistant could see me that Friday. I took left over pain pills from November and waited until the next day to see a PA.

She weighed me, took my blood pressure, temperature, pushed on my belly….oh, it’s a bit tender. You fucking think? The physician’s assistant laughed about how it sucks to get old. She has it too, of course. I ask her if she could write an order for a colonoscopy with Dr. W. She said of course. She wrote me scrips for the same shit I was already taking even though I told her. And she wrote me a script for a non-narc pain pill which is ok but it was for fucking IBS!

I quit taking 2 of the prescriptions because I had such a depression that I felt useless and worthless maybe even a bit suicidal. Maybe that’s a bit over-exaggerating because I’ve never had those type thoughts before. I think I mainly felt hopeless and worthless. So I stopped taking them.

Within one day, I felt a bit better.

But my problems were still there.

Since my doctor had rather communicate through email, I emailed and asked if they had written an order for my colonoscopy. The email came back from an assistant saying that I didn’t need a colonoscopy and that my IBS was fucking normal and the meds would make it better. Oh, and don’t eat popcorn. Except I didn’t have fucking IBS!!!

I emailed back that I had a 102 temperature going on 2 days and was throwing up and zero energy. I asked what was I supposed to do next? Who did I need to contact that could help me? No answer for days and couldn’t get Dr. Ellen on the phone.

I should have been my assertive self but I was so sick and then eventually, I thought it was in my mind.

So, 7 days after my visit to the physician’s assistant with extreme pain and fever, I got a call from Dr. Welsh office that Dr. E had written my order. This was on a Friday. Dr. W scheduled my colonoscopy that next Monday.

Oh, and on the day of my colonoscopy, Dr. E wrote that I had colitis!!! The gastro people were pissed and said that was an important fact with distinction. All the paperwork had to change and they made sure they had it right before my procedure.

And you know what happened after that if you read my previous post…Colonoscopy, blockage, tear, Ct scan etc.

Now, flash forward to after I was checked into the hospital by the gastroenterologist and not my fucking doctor…..one nurse told me that a couple doctors from Dr. Ellen’s office would come around and see me that Dr. E was busy. Fine I didn’t care because good surgeon were also checking in on me.

In comes Dr. V as they call him. He’s my husband’s doctor (from Dr. E’s office) and immediately I felt he cared. He seemed a bit confused as to why everyone seemed to give me the run around with a blocked colon, 102 temperature and perforated colon. He was handsome too so that was just icing on the cake! J

He sat on my bed, touched my hand and asked me to give him the history of my problem. He examined my stomach. He read my charts and labs. He knew more in a few minutes than Dr. E has ever known. He came back a few times during my stay to tell me what to expect. He was warm, matter of fact about my situation but I felt reassured for the first time in this mess.

The next day, Dr. E came to visit me. She barely came in the door. She never came close to me and barely ask me any questions. She did finally come and push on my sore belly and noted how tender it was. That was it!

The next day, another doctor from her office came to see me, Dr. P. I loved him also. He was caring, factual, followed up with everything he said he would. I asked him the same question that I asked Dr. V and he answered the same but felt he cared.

So, I want to switch my doctor to Dr. V or Dr. P. How do that do that when they are in the same office?


7 thoughts on “I Want to Cheat on My Doctor with Her Partners

  1. Why are you trying to be nice about this? That doctor isn’t showing you any kind of good care – write her a short letter explaining that you feel better cared for under the other doctors, and be done with her…she’s not worth your worry.

      1. I hope I didn’t come off as abrupt – I’m just inscensed for you. And if you really liked the other doctors in her clinic, go to them. She’s in the wrong, not you.

  2. Charlotte – When Kayla was sick and spent so much time in the hospital, we loved everyone that took care of Kayla: with a couple of exceptions. There was a doctor on the team who would come visit Kayla after her second surgery and he had absolutely NO bedside manner whatsoever and he would make Kayla upset every time he came to visit her. We told Kayla’s treating doctor that we were upset about the care she got from this other doctor, we told the nurses, we told anyone that would listen that we did NOT like this doctor and guess what? They respected our wishes and whenever this doctor was on call, he would let one of the residents talk to Kayla and examine her. There was also a nurse who cared for Kayla one night. A very sweet lady, but obviously had no idea whatsoever what she was doing. The next morning we talked to the charge nurse and asked that if Kayla could have another nurse. They respected our wishes. Charlotte, your health comes first. You have to be an advocate for your own care. You can’t worry about hurting feelings. If I were you, I’d talk to one of the doctors that you really like. Tell them your situation. If you feel awkward staying with the same clinic, they could probably refer you to someone else. This doctor was NEGLIGENT. This could have been so much more worse. Trust your gut (no pun intended!) and go with someone who makes you feel comfortable.

    1. Also, just wanted to add that my guess would be that you’re not the first person to ask to have your care transferred from Dr. E. I’d be willing to bet that the other doctors wouldn’t be surprised by your request. Besides, Dr. E sounds like the type of person who could care less if you’re her patient or not, which is really sad. If she likes emails so much, just send her an email.

      1. I switched doctors today to Dr. V and have a follow appointment with him Friday! I just did it and they didn’t ask and I didn’t volunteer why! 👍🏼

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