“You ARE a control freak” ~ Daniel (my 9 year old grandson)
He said this to me during our first real argument a few months ago. Of course he had heard it from his daddy (my son).
After thinking on it, I guess it is true to a certain extent.
It’s been a while since I have written on my blog. It seems either I can’t find time or have nothing to blog about.
Since the Chicago marathon and really even before it, I’ve lost all control over my health and fitness level. I eat badly, I’ve gained weight and I barely exercise. I’m a bit depressed and I know it’s about my loss of control.
Are You a Control Freak? <—Take the quiz!
After I lost 127 pounds, I thought I knew the secret. During that time my appetite decreased, my energy level was high and I felt like I was 30 something. I have always counted my calories diligently but now I don’t record everything or I undercount the caloric value. Somehow, I seem to think just recording something is better than nothing. My desire for junk food has increased and my old “300 pound Charlotte self” has come back with a vengeance.
I got a surprising report that my cholesterol was high and blood glucose levels are elevated. Not since 2009 when I weighed 300 pounds have I had a worse report.
My clothes are tight. When your Flipbelt gets too tight, you are getting fat!
I feel like an old woman right now. I’m getting age spots and more and more wrinkles and gray hair. I am more forgetful. I don’t want to get old but I’m not doing anything to keep my vitality.
I still count my calories and run every now and then but it’s not the same. I’ve gained weight and I ate like I’d never eat again during the Christmas holidays. Each day is going to be the day that I get control. As soon as my stomach tells me it’s time to eat, I grab junk food.
I used to love running during the winter months but lately it’s all that I can do to get in a run on the weekend. It’s dark when I go to work and dark when I get home. My hours at work are longer and more stressful. I’m making excuses which I never did before. When I get home and feed the dogs, I get in my pajamas, make my dinner and sit on the couch the rest of the night. I really want that to stop.
I miss training for the marathon believe it or not. I’ve always said I was better when I trained even if I complained that I was training. I’ve thought about a personal trainer but I’ve gone that route before and didn’t like it.
I don’t like going to gyms. I had a membership for years and it was a waste of money. I found most people there smelly and rude. They spend time on equipment that I was waiting for texting or socializing. I hate people who grunt while lifting weights or wear too much make up or cologne. I hate people dropping weights on the floor heavily. I hated people bringing their kids (clearly posted as forbidden) and being afraid to do kettlebells afraid of hitting one of them in the head. I grew tired of watching kids trying to use equipment or running around screaming. There was a daycare there but people apparently didn’t want to pay $2 dollars for them to stay there an hour or so. And you know just like clockwork, all those New Year’s resolution Gym Rats will be back in January.
And P.S. – please wipe off your machines when you leave and re-rack your weights. I also detest men with big chest and arms who have bird legs. Do some calf raises for pete’s sake.
I would come home from the gym more stressed than before I went. And even still, I have a very nice gym in my basement with everything I need and I still don’t do it.
So, I’m struggling for control again. Wish me luck!
I was contacted by another online running health magazine to do a series of 3 articles as a contributing writer. I feel guilty even accepting it since I don’t feel like a runner right now. I’m a runner in my heart but you are only a runner if you run.
Yesterday, I started again trying to hold myself accountable. I counted every bit that went into my mouth. I ran yesterday. I’m doing well today. But I find myself unusually hungry which is common for a junk-foodaholic, like me.
This is day #2. I need to get control because being a “Control Freak” is better than being an “Out of Control Freak”
RIP George Michael. I fell in love with you in the 80s.
RIP Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) – I used to pretend to be you while playing with my son (when he was little).
“Your focus determines your reality.” – Qui-Gon Jinn (Star Wars – The Phantom Menace)