An Out of Control “Control-Freak”

“You ARE a control freak” ~ Daniel (my 9 year old grandson)

He said this to me during our first real argument a few months ago. Of course he had heard it from his daddy (my son).

After thinking on it, I guess it is true to a certain extent.

It’s been a while since I have written on my blog. It seems either I can’t find time or have nothing to blog about.

Since the Chicago marathon and really even before it, I’ve lost all control over my health and fitness level. I eat badly, I’ve gained weight and I barely exercise. I’m a bit depressed and I know it’s about my loss of control.

Are You a Control Freak? <—Take the quiz!

After I lost 127 pounds, I thought I knew the secret. During that time my appetite decreased, my energy level was high and I felt like I was 30 something. I have always counted my calories diligently but now I don’t record everything or I undercount the caloric value. Somehow, I seem to think just recording something is better than nothing. My desire for junk food has increased and my old “300 pound Charlotte self” has come back with a vengeance.

I got a surprising report that my cholesterol was high and blood glucose levels are elevated. Not since 2009 when I weighed 300 pounds have I had a worse report.

My clothes are tight. When your Flipbelt gets too tight, you are getting fat!

I feel like an old woman right now. I’m getting age spots and more and more wrinkles and gray hair. I am more forgetful. I don’t want to get old but I’m not doing anything to keep my vitality.

I still count my calories and run every now and then but it’s not the same. I’ve gained weight and I ate like I’d never eat again during the Christmas holidays. Each day is going to be the day that I get control. As soon as my stomach tells me it’s time to eat, I grab junk food.

I used to love running during the winter months but lately it’s all that I can do to get in a run on the weekend. It’s dark when I go to work and dark when I get home. My hours at work are longer and more stressful. I’m making excuses which I never did before. When I get home and feed the dogs, I get in my pajamas, make my dinner and sit on the couch the rest of the night. I really want that to stop.

I miss training for the marathon believe it or not. I’ve always said I was better when I trained even if I complained that I was training. I’ve thought about a personal trainer but I’ve gone that route before and didn’t like it.

I don’t like going to gyms. I had a membership for years and it was a waste of money. I found most people there smelly and rude. They spend time on equipment that I was waiting for texting or socializing. I hate people who grunt while lifting weights or wear too much make up or cologne. I hate people dropping weights on the floor heavily. I hated people bringing their kids (clearly posted as forbidden) and being afraid to do kettlebells afraid of hitting one of them in the head. I grew tired of watching kids trying to use equipment or running around screaming. There was a daycare there but people apparently didn’t want to pay $2 dollars for them to stay there an hour or so. And you know just like clockwork, all those New Year’s resolution Gym Rats will be back in January.

And P.S. – please wipe off your machines when you leave and re-rack your weights. I also detest men with big chest and arms who have bird legs. Do some calf raises for pete’s sake.

Image result for gym rats
Gym Rat

I would come home from the gym more stressed than before I went. And even still, I have a very nice gym in my basement with everything I need and I still don’t do it.

So, I’m struggling for control again. Wish me luck!

I was contacted by another online running health magazine to do a series of 3 articles as a contributing writer. I feel guilty even accepting it since I don’t feel like a runner right now. I’m a runner in my heart but you are only a runner if you run.

Yesterday, I started again trying to hold myself accountable. I counted every bit that went into my mouth. I ran yesterday. I’m doing well today. But I find myself unusually hungry which is common for a junk-foodaholic, like me.

This is day #2. I need to get control because being a “Control Freak” is better than being an “Out of Control Freak”

RIP George Michael. I fell in love with you in the 80s.

RIP Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) – I used to pretend to be you while playing with my son (when he was little).

“Your focus determines your reality.” – Qui-Gon Jinn (Star Wars – The Phantom Menace)


6 thoughts on “An Out of Control “Control-Freak”

  1. Great to see you again, Charlotte! I miss the old blogging days with you. I agree- health clubs can be ridiculous. I prefer a home gym and a nearby – and private – shower.


  2. Well, I don’t have the answer for you, as I sit on my couch all day and eat all the junk food… Think back to what encouraged you when you began your journey to get healthy, what was it then and will that motivate you now? This time of year is super tough. Countless people on all the social media I follow are losing the battle right now (including my running buddy and myself). For me right now I just try not to “give up” entirely and do anything small that I can manage. I have faith that you can get back on track. You’re a strong woman and have been successful in the past. You will figure it out!

    1. Thank you for the encouragement. I hope you are right. I’m trying to remember what made me strong enough back in 2009 and I’m having a hard time with the same motivation. You are right, this time of year is so hard but I never used that as an excuse before. I’ve had 2 good days! Yeah 🙂

  3. Charlotte-
    It’s a challenging time of year; winter sets in and we are hit by all of the holiday treat temptations. It’s also a very stressful time of year. Don’t be so hard on yourself. As for the article, you are human and normal and represent the 90% of us who fall off track and have a hard time finding motivation. The readers will be able to relate to what you’re going through right now. I know that I can. You will find the motivation (maybe a new race goal?) and you will get out of this rut you’re in; I know you will! Love you, friend! ❤

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