Willow or an Oak?

I haven’t updated in a while so I’ll give a little update.

15 months later, still no final divorce. I won’t go into details. I don’t want to waste energy thinking or talking about it. I’m just ready for it to be over. Maybe Septemberish? I was told by my second lawyer. Dumped my first one. In our court appearance, his lawyer looked and acted like F. Lee Bailey, mine looked and acted like Pee Wee Herman. They are trying to financially rape me. Judge slapped my lawyer around, let F. Lee talk. I didn’t feel good about that. Ok, that’s all I want to say about that.

Work is going well. Things are getting back to normal. They removed mask mandate for those vaccinated. Nazi’s win again. This country is so fucked. California is fucked times infinity. I’m glad I’m on my way out instead of on my way in! 🙂 So I did have my first shot in early June and second one scheduled for 7/01. Nice….I’ll be sick all holiday weekend!

I have started giving some thought to having a personal life. I don’t make much effort now. Sadie was giving me advice a few weekends ago. She told me that I need to dress better and put on make up! haha. She said men won’t like my dirty t-shirts! 🙂 I’m still married legally and just not really into a real relationship at this time. I had a couple simple talk and walk the wharf dates….can’t get into it. I really want a man friend. I need a gay man friend to hang out with! 🙂 Go to restaurants, bars, concerts. I’m a Blues Music lover and a couple good blues clubs here. No offense to women friends, I love women friends. I have a couple of the best. But I miss male companionship besides Peyton and Eli! 🙂 I’ll see….maybe soon.

I still love to cook and prepare all my own meal. I still order all my grocery from imperfectfoods.com and visit my local farmer’s markets. Its become a passion, especially sourdough bread baking. It’s not about the eating, I still have to try to cook for one and not over eat. I cook for the week and put things in containers. I’ve lost about 14 lbs…but I’m at a stand still. I cook and eat my own food so that probably accounted for 14 lbs. Now, I need to cut back to get the rest of the weight off. Or increase exercise. That is my goal!

I still have some minor hip issues sometimes, so long hikes are out for me right now while I’m still healing. Plus I don’t like long hikes alone. Peyton and Eli are mostly unable to do any hiking that is over a couple miles. They both have hip dysplasia and their little back legs get wobbly after a little bit. I try to keep their walks short and simple. They enjoy the pee sniffing and spraying. Who don’t? 🙂 Occasionally I will take them to the beach but they love running in the water, but their bodies pay for it later. They still think they are puppies, so it’s up to me to make sure they don’t overdo it. But I get joy out of watching them on the beach. Much like me. I’m very young in my mind, but my body tells a different story! 🙂

They both have become intolerant of any food that I tried them on. I was spending a fortune on dog food just to have them throw it up! Peyton would just absolutely walk away from it even when he was hungry. They are both very old now, so their stomachs need something different. I consulted my vet about making their own food. I know the combinations of what their diets need. At least it gives me someone to cook for. So now, I make their food. I’ve been doing it for almost a month and I can tell such a difference. Their coats are beautiful! They look like little puppies. 🙂 They are more active. They rarely throw up, with exemption of Eli who eats gross shit and throws it up occasionally. Peyton doesn’t breath heavy as much as he did. He has liver issues. And he is almost completely blind. He can see shadows or movements. Sometimes he gets lost in the yard and I have to help him find his way. I love these dogs. The only thing that mental midget ever gave me in 20 years was these dogs and some excellent appliances for my kitchen!

All in all, I think I am getting back to my old self. I remember a quote my brother used to say “I used to be an Oak, and now I’m a Willow.” Love and Miss you, Barry James Barber.

Another court date tomorrow with my new lawyer, wish me luck!

Bread is My Medium

I am not really working in the industry that I always dreamed of. I was never meant to be a manager in manufacturing. I was an artist growing up! Its what I did and what I started to college for. But life things changed that because I realized I couldn’t make a living in anything art in Tennessee plus I was married with a kid. So I changed my major to manufacturing management and business related subjects so that I could make a living once I got out of college. I was already working as an assembler in a factory making rotors and motors for air conditioners big and small. I went to college full time during the day and worked my full time job in the factory at night. It was difficult to do that. But, it was honestly the most fun that I ever had on a job but the work was hard. Great memories made there. I’m so fucking glad there wasn’t Facebook or Snapchat back in those days!

If you have read some of my other posts, you know that I am going through a divorce. I was not the cook in the marriage. So needless to say, I am having to learn how to cook. At first, I bought everything premade in grocery stores or ordered from my favorite Santa Cruz restaurants and had it delivered through Door Dash.

And, as most of you know, I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks that got worse as the year 2020 went on and even now. So I didn’t want to go to grocery stores anymore wearing a mask which caused me the most anxiety. I’d often go in the store and have a panic attack or anxiety would hit and I’d leave that grocery cart full wherever it was and left the store quickly to remove the mask. And since I detest people who do that, I researched some food delivery sites and chose Imperfectfoods.com. It appealed to me because wasting food has always been something that upsets me. Average households throw 40% of their food away per week. It’s messed up that people go hungry when we throw away so much food. So, I now enjoy shopping on line (with no mask) and I order exactly what I need or want. My goal is to get only what I need and use everything I get. I’m one person to cook for so ordering for 1 or 2 people suits me very well.

Charlotte’s Awesome Job of Saving the Planet

By doing this method of food order, I learned to plan, shop carefully and cook. I don’t impulse buy like I did every time I went to a grocery store just because something looked good. In addition, I save a lot of money and I don’t waste food. I only eat my own food so I eat pretty healthy. I’ve lost 14 lbs since I started this venture in February 2021. And, I don’t count calories or use any diet except to eat delicious things that are more healthy. I do still do intermittent fasting 3 or 4 days a week where I stop eating after 2 pm and eat breakfast the next morning. I have to have breakfast even if it’s a piece of toast with my coffee. I have, for the most part, been unable to do any exercise except hike and walk. I miss running so much. I still dream of running. But I’ve come to realize that will never happen for me so I have to find other things. I’ve had some sciatica issues and my walking buddies can only walk short distances now. My dogs and I are aging together!

In my food journey, I am discovering so many things. I’m interested in fermentation. I make my own yogurt. I am about to venture in kombucha and other fermented things. Youtubing “how to” videos is awesome. (thanks introducing me to youtube, Miss Sadie Bug). But then I discovered Sourdough Bread making.

I have a great “Chef’s Style” kitchen and an stocked pantry with so many staples, that I can make any food from any country. Next blog post, I’ll share what my stocked pantry looks like. My granddaughter is trying to convince me to have a youtube channel. I’m giving it some thought.

After discovering the art of sourdough bread, the artist in me came alive especially while I’m making sourdough bread. Its a constant of trying to perfect it. I seek to make it sexy, good and make it look like art. But, I’m finding out the manager in me is coming out also. I try to make it quicker and better. Sometimes the artist and manager collide for a bad result. But, I plan it and execute it! I do it again and again. I want it better and better. I am an artist manager!

My first attempts at Sourdough Bread