Things I Learned While Marathon Training

1. pay special attention to your shoes and socks

2. expect to poop or almost poop your pants at least once

3. odd injuries you’ve never dreamed of will happen

4. hydration is very important…don’t slack #feetcramps

5. eat at least 1 1/2 hours before a long run (see #2)

6. run the mile you are in (best advice I’ve had)

7. some idiots in cars don’t give a shit how awesome you are #HitandRun

8. you will encounter loose dogs who will chase you

9. broken beer bottles are frequent on sidewalks

10. your feet will get bigger

11. your boobs will get smaller

12. running NEVER gets easy

13. training in the later weeks is like having a second job which you hate even more than your first job

14. you will curse someone out…probably a family member

15. learn to like GU

16. it’s nice eating 55% carbs on a daily basis 🙂

17. cold/ice packs can be your friend

18. learn to appreciate those rest days

19. you will regret your decision to run a marathon as least a few times

20. you will shed some tears

21. you will become unpleasant to others

22. in the later training, you will have trouble sleeping #aches

23. you will likely gain weight or at least not lose

24. somedays you will feel like you can eat a house #runchies #rungry

25. every free moment will be spent reading about running

26. you will spend a fortune on running shit

27. get used to pain and discomfort even when not running

28. you will master the “crab walk” walking sideways downstairs

29. a moderate percentage of runners are fucking Cray Cray #ForReal

30. it’s great to have someone riding with you on a bike on long runs #CarryShit

31. you will likely learn to pee in the open on a trail

32. you will get sick of music that you used to love #BrandyUrFineGirl

33. you will play stupid mind games while on the long run #PowerballWinner

34. after a long run, if you sit down on the sofa…you are there for the rest of the day #BingeWatchDexter

35. even bad runs give you satisfaction…once they are over

36. learn to live in your own head and thoughts for long periods of time #BitchBeCray

37. you will get to know your city intimately. Even when you drive around, you’ll say fondly “that’s where I crapped my pants for the first time”

38. you will know where 1 mile is in every direction from your house and other areas that you run

39. you will cease to be afraid of strangers coming up behind you #EndMyMisery

40. you WILL learn discipline maybe for the first time in your life

41. you will absolutely learn humility #OwnThatShit

42. if your spouse sticks with you through the entire training… he/she loves you

43. you will have setbacks

44. somedays 3 miles will feel like 13

45. sometimes you will think morbid thoughts #FindingDeadBodies

46. be careful farting while running (see #2)

5 thoughts on “Things I Learned While Marathon Training

  1. OMG, I busted out laughing reading this! Even though I’ve only trained for a half-marathon so far, I can relate to most of these (yes, even #2! lol) I’m going to especially remember #6, though. Thanks for this list! I may have to re-read it often for both inspiration and comedic relief! 🙂

  2. This was awesome! I’ve found some of these to be too true even during my HALF marathon training… I can’t imagine training for a full! :p That last one got me laughing!

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