Homesick in Silicon Valley

My son, daughter in law and grand-kiddies came to visit us back in October. It was my happiest time since I’ve been here, but it was so short. I felt deep sorrow and grief when I took them back to the airport to go home. I hold out very little hope that they will ever be able to move here even if they want to. I enjoyed my time with them and tried to live in the moment which I have a tough time doing. For the most part, I dwelled on the day that they would leave.

Arrival at SFO

Santa Cruz Kiddies

I am still working through my “homesick” issues and trying hard to completely adapt to being here. But that’s not coming along as well as I would like. I function like a normal person. I love exploring the area. I love the beaches and ocean. Very few things take stress and sadness away from me like the sight and sound of the ocean. Our financial situation is good. I still like my job and find it very challenging.

But I’m homesick and miss Daniel and Sadie constantly. It’s never far from my mind. It never shows for the most part, but my heart is very sad. I find myself living in the past and crying often. Daniel rarely calls or texts. I rarely hear from my son or daughter in law. I always feel that Daniel doesn’t care to talk to me or do facetime. He just goes through the motions. He used to love me deeply and I always knew it. I know he’s a kid and rather be playing video games instead of talking to his grandmother. I shouldn’t be hurt by that, I suppose. But I’m not reasonable!

Kevin is very patient and understanding. He misses home also. But he grew up here so there is comfort for him in seeing familiar things. But, still, he misses Daniel and Sadie. We both miss our home in Columbia and our apartment in St. Louis. I miss Christmas in St. Louis. I hold it together well for the most part and work hard at trying to get over it. But I’m sad a lot of the time. Especially when I am home and not busy. So, I stay on the go. I do that as a mechanism to help deal with my saddest and homesickness.

I had intentions to go to Memphis for Christmas to see the kids and visit my baby brother who is having some major heath issues. But travel during the holidays is extremely expensive and hard to get decent flights with the schedule that I needed to accommodate only a few days that I had off work. We are planning a visit in March timeframe.

Maybe its just common as people get older that they miss home especially at Christmas. I love the Christmas season. I’m always the early Christmas music and tree person. Kevin and I went to a Christmas tree farm in Half Moon Bay and chose and cut our own. I haven’t had a real tree since I was 11 or 12 years old. I enjoyed doing that. But it was so warm and sunny here, it didn’t feel right cutting down a Christmas tree in shorts and t-shirt!

We had Thanksgiving alone, but we did go to a popular restaurant here that serves traditional Thanksgiving food. It was good, but it didn’t feel like Thanksgiving here. The weather is beautiful so its hard to get in the Holiday spirit.

Christmas is coming soon. California does an excellent job of making it look and feel like Christmas everywhere. Christmas music started early and the homes here in the neighborhoods are decorated extravagantly. Last night we went to a Christmas parade of lighted boats at the marina in Santa Cruz. We then visited the boardwalk to see the Christmas train and decorations. It was cool seeing Christmas lights, drinking hot cocoa and hearing the ocean roar in the background.

I am not writing all this for sympathy or to say that I am depressed. Kevin mentioned how I used to blog often and he thought it might be therapeutic. My sadness comes and goes. It’s not that bad. I do love living here. I have always dreamed of living this life. Kevin and I have plenty of great times exploring the area. Peyton and Eli make our lives better. I think they are finally adjusting to moving here.

What’s not to love about living here. I’m near San Francisco, the ocean, Santa Cruz, redwoods, great weather year around and plenty of things to do that it would take a lifetime to see. Even the autumn trees are incredible here. Snow is near here. I have a good friend who has been gracious enough to offer Kevin and I to spend a weekend in her home in Tahoe which we intend to do soon. I think it’s more of a matter that as I get older and feeling the grip of mortality, that I miss the things that always made me feel young and that was always being around Daniel and Sadie. I miss my brother and sisters. I miss home. I went through this when I moved from Tennessee to Missouri. It did take me a while to adjust. This was such a big move that it might take a little longer.

Santa Cruz or Half Moon Bay is still where I plan on calling home in the next few years! We’d do it soon, but I’m worried about the traffic and commute home from work. I go to work so early, I don’t think that would be an issue…but going home would be a freaking nightmare.

On top of that, I’ve been concerned about potential health issues that has plagued my family including my baby brother right now. I worried it was happening to me. This past Monday, I got great news that I am healthy. A little too healthy, Dr. Li said take off 25 lbs!

Anyway, I thought it was time that I complained about my great life, again!

Merry Christmas, Mele Kalikimaka, Feliz Navidad